I LOVE YOU, DON'T TOUCH ME

"I'd rather bake a cake," lamented a friend of mine. She was baffled by her sudden loss of interest in having sex with her husband whom she likes and loves very much. She said she'd rather bake a cake than have sex and let me tell you, this woman bakes a mean cake. I knew what she meant, because I had been in her shoes for a long time, more years than I cared to admit.

At first I blamed it on motherhood. Child rearing could wear out the hardiest of souls. The part of my brain responsible for worrying went into overdrive the minute I gave birth. I was also working fulltime in a demanding job. I was juggling multiples roles and felt like I did none of them particularly well. That is how I rationalized my loss of interest in sleeping with my husband, someone who I like and love much much. I told myself I wanted to 'not be needed' by everyone and while there is truth in that, that's not what was happening.

I found excuses. I pretended to be tired, but that excuse only works for so many months on end. At some point he asked me if I didn't love him anymore and if I didn't find him attractive. Talk about a stab in the heart. I was officially the worst wife ever to a man who loved me dearly. The truth was that sex had stopped mattering. I felt disconnected from my body in a way that I didn't understand. I talked to my gynecologist about it and she said I was likely in perimenopause and that it was normal, that loss of sex drive was often a symptom.

She offered no solution, just reassurance that this was normal which was not reassuring. I was still in a predicament. I would love to tell you that I quickly found a way to reignite my libido but it would be years and I mean YEARS before I got the help I needed.

My life changed the day I read an indepth newspaper article on menopause and the controversy surrounding hormone replacement therapy. I had never asked for hormones. I knew they weren't safe and could cause cancer and all sorts of things, or so I thought. The article went into great detail about the Women's Health Initiative, a billion dollar study that explored if hormones could prevent cardiac events in women, which are a leading cause of death after menopause. The study was stopped early after it found that hormones could increase the risk of breast cancer or stroke. Bam! The 73 million women in America on hormones were out of luck. Doctors stopped prescribing.

In the years after the study was stopped, the WHI was examined and debated and some fascinating truth came to light. The average age of women in the study was 63 years old and more than ten years in menopause. The younger women in the study who were a few years into menopause did great on hormones and experienced many benefits. That was all I needed to hear. I began reading all the follow up studies in medical literature, none of which received the some non stop attention as when the study was stopped.

One other great thing about that article is that it linked to website for the North American Menopause Society and on their website you could find a provider trained in menopause. I found a gynecologist in my town and when I went to see her and she asked me several questions and I answered them and at the end of the exam she diagnosed me with severe menopause. She believed me, she told me that hormones would help and that they carry minimal risk and many benefits. One week after being on hormone therapy I felt like the wad of cotton that had gotten stuck in my head years earlier had been removed. I actually felt lighter. A few weeks later, I initiated sex! I would have to count on multiple fingers to remember how many years it was since I did that.

New studies are coming out all the time and the general consensus is that perimenopause may be the most optimal time to begin HRT, to minimze symptoms. Our bodies love estrogen and when we lose it, our bodies do not like it, which is why there are three dozen menopause symptoms! The head of the North American Menopause Society said in an interview last year that taking hormones carries the same risk as a glass or two of wine, overweight or inactive. She doesn't know me! : )

What I know is we deserve all the facts so we can decide for ourselves. HRT has helped my mental health and my marriage. As for my cake baking friend, let's just say that after she got on HRT, she is baking far fewer cakes.

XOXO,

IN HER OWN SKIN