Is It Everyone Else, Me, Or Perimenopause?

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I love my husband, I really do, but I couldn't believe how thoughtlessly he blocked my access to the kitchen sink, his back to me, dawdling and drinking his coffee. How dare he be so inconsiderate of me, the person trying to get us out the door for the work day. He should sense me advancing behind him with utensils that need to be rinsed. I am overwhelmed by the urge to shove him and even as I feel that urge, I know something is wrong with me.

And then at work, why am I coming out of my skin at this regular, boring team meeting? Why do I feel like I drank two pots of coffee? My heart is at aerobic level yet I am sitting perfectly still, tempted to scream "Fire!" just so we can get out of this forsaken place. And I am so annoyed by the stupid faces of the people staring at me. Such stupid stupid faces. And yes, in this moment I know something is wrong with me.

We all get annoyed at work but something had happened to me -- it was like my internal 'irritation thermostat' had been set at 100 and had gotten stuck there.

Then there was the few month period I spent devastated, having diagnosed myself with early onset dementia. I couldn't remember words, my schedule, where the eff I put my keys. Not in a normal way but in a way that frightened me so badly I didn't tell anyone.

Flash forward to the day I am sitting in front a menopause gynecologist and she begins asking me if I have certain symptoms. And I do. All of them but one on her checklist. That was the day I knew:

1. It was menopause.

2. I was not unhinged.

3. I would be okay.

She used the Menopause Rating Scale to assess me. It's a standardized global tool to assess menopausal symptoms and those symptoms can begin years before actual menopause, as early as our 30's. I've put the chart below.

Do you see yourself in this scale?

I had everything EXCEPT the last one, number 11, joint and muscular discomfort. The others? I had them ALL -- hot flashes, heart racing, sleep problems, mood swings, IRRITABILITY, anxiety, physical and mental exhaustion, lower libido, incontinence, vaginal dryness. I knew some symptoms like hot flashes and sleep problems. I didn't know that my irritability, impaired memory, bladder incontinence, and heart racing were also menopausal transition symptoms.

It was a relief to know it wasn't me. I mean, it was me, but it wasn't my fault. Once I began hormone replacement therapy, the symptoms began to go away. The very first thing I noticed was thinking more clearly and not feeling panicked every day. Then my sleep began to improve (I had been waking every hour throughout the night or sweating through my pj's from nightsweats). About six weeks later, I had sex with my husband and for the first time in years, it wasn't painful.

After rejoicing at getting me back, I got mad. Why don't our doctors arm us with this information? I didn't even know a menopause rating scale existed. Why has the medical community demonized hormone therapy for women when we know it can treat our symptoms and prevent osteoporosis and colon cancer, just to name a few benefits. And as great as my doctor was, it was such a long wait to be seen that a virtual approach eventually made the most sense for me.

To learn more and get help for perimenopause and menopause: winona.pxf.io/y2Y93V

I am still treated by gynecologists, virtually. I don't have to drive to a physical place. I don't have to wait in a waiting room and then wait some more in an exam room. I don't have to sit naked in a gown on deli paper waiting to plead my case only to be told "It's normal." "We all go through it." "It will get better." I got better mainly because I ignored my doctors and kept searching. I also suffered a lot, unnecessarily. We must do better by women. These days, I am treated with respect and my medical team believes me.

Start your free visit: winona.pxf.io/y2Y93V

I don't want to shove my husband away from the sink and I don't think my coworkers faces are stupid. My heart doesn't race everyday and most of the time I can remember where I put the keys (most of the time).

I want all women in midlife who are living with symptoms to know that evidence based help is available and that it gave me my life back.

XOXO,

In Her Own Skin